I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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