You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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