Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
