I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You ruined the universe
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
