Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
