a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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