If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
