make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
