is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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