I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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