Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
