break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
