I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
