either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
