And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
