I think my fart just growled at me.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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