Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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