she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
