I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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