you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
