Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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