i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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