At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
