yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
