just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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