So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
