Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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