Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
