It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
