When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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