dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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