Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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