I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
