batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
