Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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