you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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