Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
