i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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