It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Life without a bra equals bliss.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
