my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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