now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
