Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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