UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
