im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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