i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
