Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I have already put on my inside pants.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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