I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Maybe he injected his testicle?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
