I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
