we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Ladies don't puke and tell
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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