I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i will never coherently bang her
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
