I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
