I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
