Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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