Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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